I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
