I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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