part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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