Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
