I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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