So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
