I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
