I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's get the cat blown out
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
