So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
