Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
