you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
