Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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