The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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