We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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