It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
