Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
