As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
