I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
