Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
