It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
