either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
