where am i from again
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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