Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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