Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
