Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
40s are totally the cure
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
