Girls should come with a carfax report
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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