i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize