And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
