Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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