She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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