i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
