he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
