The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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