capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
