Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There are leaves in my underwear?
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