My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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