oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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