I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
