just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
