yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
