I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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