she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
