The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
