It's Friday. Sex?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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