You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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