Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
