Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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