I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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