im so drunk with asians
where?
always
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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