Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
