Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
