It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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