My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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