also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
