the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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