You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
