guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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