I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
