This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
