We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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