He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
