mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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