I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
