New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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