Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
