Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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