my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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