Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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