I met the friendliest cop last night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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