oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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