It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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