we have pet lesbian snakes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
