I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
