Buhtt sex?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
